I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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