I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
