I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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