1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
