Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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