nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
