Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
