don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
