Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize