i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
