my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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