I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
We're too hungover to prance.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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