Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
