so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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