I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
