Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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