Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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