don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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