i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
