thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
