I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize