She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
