I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I have feelings that need drinking.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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