cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
