Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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