At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
