This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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