They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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