Michael Bay diarrhea
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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