it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
