I seem to have left my pride at pride
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
