We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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