Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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