If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
