Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
