I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
