I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
