I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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