if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
