Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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