I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
