Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
