i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
