elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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