Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
