words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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