these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
