the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize