Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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