I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
