dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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