Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Vodka?
Forever.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
