when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
