I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
