I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
