I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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