the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
