So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
You took a bar mat shot.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
