Whod you bang
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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