just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize