And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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