When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
people are starting to question the shark bite story
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
