I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I have feelings that need drinking.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
