How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Vodka?
Forever.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
