hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
