dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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