Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
