You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize
