i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
