Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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